Monday, August 28, 2017

A New Journey Begins...

It finally happened.
In July, after 10 years teaching special education full time (the last seven at the middle school level), I resigned from the school district where I completed my K-12 schooling, substitute taught four and a half years, and started my path as a public school teacher.

Courtesy of www.pixabay.com
Today I begin my official first day in a new school district at an elementary school. I am now a Media Specialist / Instructional Technology Teacher/ Core Support teacher in the areas of Language Arts and Math.

Through last week, excitement outranked anxiety. I am considered a "new teacher" again and completed new teacher training. I love what I have learned so far! However, today, anxiety outranks excitement. This is typical of my head each time I return to teaching after summer break. But, it is different this year. Today, it relates to the newness of my path. It relates to the not-knowing what I don't know and not fully knowing what to expect. It relates to knowing that there will be a learning curve for each role and that I am not expected to be an expert from the start--yet in my head, it also relates to the fact that I have to keep shutting down the thoughts that maybe I am expected to be great right away.

Change is scary. The familiar is safe. I could have kept doing what I had been doing for my job, but it had become a 24/7 job. It was in my head--the paperwork, the pressures to do everything "right". The pressures to place paperwork first, and teaching and my students, second. I did not feel peaceful. I told myself after my thyroid cancer diagnosis in 2015 (see past posts) that life was too short to be doing something that did not make me happy. This past school year was better. I was the Autism teacher, as well as a resource teacher in the special education department. I learned a lot from my students about autism. I also learned how little I knew. Despite being out of special education now, I carry my experiences with me. I expect to continue learning, and I wish to continue learning--only not in the role I have done for 10 years.

Courtesy of www.pixabay.com
I love teaching! I love helping children or anyone who I teach, problem solve and grow, and learn how to accomplish tasks maybe they struggled with before or maybe never knew how to do. Sometimes I wonder if I care too much. Can a person do that?

I will miss my former colleagues and many of my students. I thank my colleagues for the glowing references when contacted by my new employer. I especially thank my former principal for believing in me, recognizing that I have something to offer in what used to be my new career goal, and now supporting my decision to move on, even if it meant losing a devoted teacher at her school.

Today is the first official day of my new career. I look forward to collaborating with colleagues. I look forward to supporting my colleagues. I look forward to meeting my new students.
Yes.
Change can be good.

Today and tomorrow,

~ Tamara


Sunday, August 20, 2017

Listening to a Student

To K, this post is for you.

Near the end of this past school year, a teen who I have worked with for the past two years as a female shared openly that she identifies as male. His announcement did not surprise me, even though it was not what I expected. And it certainly did not bother me. He had been a mature, friendly, yet seemingly insecure and often sad girl, who I desperately wished I could connect to more. She read incessantly, sometimes to the point of foregoing other expectations, such as school work. (It is a dilemma, as a teacher when I see students who love to read, but choose to read instead of focusing in classes and participating in school work. I love kids who enjoy reading, especially by their own accord.)

I knew though, that something was going on, something personal. Having my own history with various struggles, I do not wish anyone to struggle, especially internally, and especially as a youth.

After his announcement, he may have still been struggling, but now he exuded confidence, and frequently, he smiled. He talked openly about future plans for transition. He gently reminded others if we used the incorrect pronouns or name, but never shamed us. His family accepted him even though I know his father admittedly was working on adjusting to using the correct pronouns in his daily use. My student excitedly showed off a new necklace one day that allowed him to show his pronoun of choice so that he did not have to remind others each time. And from what I observed, he did not encounter bullying or harassment from peers, at least in my presence. Unfortunately, I fear this will not always remain the case, but I believe he is now at a place of personal strength and will always have people nearby who support and love him. I know though, that this too, for many youth and adults, is sadly not always the case.
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Beautiful Music for Ugly Children Written by Kirstin Cronn-Mills (c) 2012  (First Edition, Tenth Printing 2016) 
Flux, an imprint of Llewellyn Worldwide Ltd. (Publisher)
2014 Stonewall Award 

Recommended by my student, I have to say first, I loved this book! Not since I read Sachiko (see earlier post) have I encountered a story that I did not want to put down. It pained me when I couldn't keep my eyes open a couple of nights to continue reading. 

The story focuses on Gabe, a transgender male whose family identifies as Elizabeth, whose classmates identify as either a lesbian or an "it" or other derogatory term, but whose closest friends identify as a friend, a music lover, a person. Written via first person point-of-view, the reader has easy access to Gabe's thoughts and internal dialogue.

Gabe is a high school senior at a school in Minnesota. (For Minnesotans, several references in the book will be familiar.) Thanks to a dear neighbor and friend, Gabe becomes a host of a late night radio show which shares the title of the book. It is here where Gabe can comfortably be himself as no one can see him or recognize him as Elizabeth, and he can speak about the classic music he knows and loves. Each chapter title compares someone to Elvis Presley and appears to come from Gabe rather than the author. On a personal level, Gabe compares himself to the B sides of 45's (records/vinyls that have a single song on each side). He's the lesser known song, but comparably good to the well-known song on the A side.

As the story progresses, more people become introduced to Gabe in person. As a result, struggles with acceptance (Gabe's own, and that of other people including his family and beyond), discrimination, and other challenges occur; however, there are several little bursts of cheer-worthy events throughout the book, especially related to followers of his radio show.

Gabe's voice in the story possesses a realness that draws in the reader. I felt like he was talking to me and that I could talk to him if that was possible. The details and descriptions turned the story into pictures in my mind. I found myself visualizing Gabe's story like a movie (which I would love to see). It did not matter that I lacked familiarity with many of the tunes he and his friend John referred to, or even if I had the familiarity, I did not always understand the fascination or the connections between Gabe and John's ideas and the songs. This did not matter, in the same way that people dear to us have interests we may not always connect to. We still love the people. That's how I felt and feel about Gabe. I would love to be his friend!

The story radiates personal processing and growth. Perhaps that's another reason I connected so well to Gabe. I gravitate toward stories where people have goals and make a concerted effort to move toward them, even if they struggle with figuring out how to do this. While the conclusion of the book may not be what readers expect or want, I found it hopeful and satisfying.
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What is a great book for youth that you have read recently? Share below.
Let me know, also, if you read "Beautiful Music for Ugly Children."

If you are interested in the pronoun necklace that I referenced in the beginning of this post, here is the link to the Etsy site where my student got it. SpacerobotStudio This site also has emotion/feeling necklaces for displaying how one is feeling without talking, which is great for people who have autism or other challenges.

Until my next post (which I assure you will be much sooner than between my last post and now),

Today and tomorrow,

~Tamara

Friday, April 7, 2017

Those Meddling Adults...Part 2 of 2

PART 2 (cutting it close, but it's still Friday):

In February, I concluded my fourth year as a Destination Imagination team manager. If you're not familiar with Destination Imagination or DI, it's a program that promotes teamwork, creativity, problem solving, and more. Teams comprised of up to seven members select a challenge provided by DI and then spend the season working together to create a solution to present at competitions. My role as the team manager is basically to be a guide and help the team stay focused. One of the main rules I, as well as parents, have to be aware of is the role of interference. I cannot tell my team what to do or how to do it. No matter how much the team may appear to be struggling or unfocused, I have to keep my mouth shut--even if I have a great idea for accomplishing what members may want to do, but haven't figured out yet how to do it. Ultimately it is up to the team to solve its own problems and create a wonderful solution to the challenge. If the team falls, I am there to help the members celebrate the process and honor what went well, as well as reflect on the struggles.

Keeping my ideas silent at times is incredibly challenging. I literally have to bite my tongue.
And sometimes, it is painful.

*     *     *

A Hat for Mrs. Goldman by Michelle Edwards; Illustrated by G. Brian Karas (c)2016 
Schwartz & Wade (Publisher)

Mrs. Goldman knits hats for babies, for adults, for children, for all different head sizes. She says it's her mitzvah, or good deed, to keep keppies (heads) warm. She even knit a dinosaur sweater for her dog.

Sophia received her first hat from Mrs. Goldman,  her neighbor, when she was a baby. Mrs. Goldman later taught Sophia how to knit, but Sophia prefers to make the pom poms for the hats.
One day, Sophia joins Mrs. Goldman as she walks her dog, Fifi. The air is touched by winter approaching and Sophia notices that Mrs. Goldman does not have a hat. Mrs. Goldman tells her that she gave her hat to someone who needed one. As the days grow colder and Sophia continues to see Mrs. Goldman without a hat, she worries about her friend, and wonders who will make a hat for her? Then Sophia decides that she will knit a hat for her dear friend.

As the story continues, Sophia knits whenever she is not visiting Mrs. Goldman as she wants to keep her gift a surprise. When she finally feels she has completed the hat, Sophia becomes distressed by what she fears she created--a monster hat, full of holes where she dropped stitches. Sophia realizes she cannot give this hat to Mrs. Goldman and considers her options for solving the problem. Unsure of what to do next, Sophia remembers Mrs. Goldman encouraging her with a craft beyond knitting. Sophia makes a decision of what to do and turns the monster hat into a work of art that both she feels proud of, and Mrs. Goldman cherishes.

What I love about A Hat for Mrs. Goldman is that there is no interference from adults. There is no meddling. Sophia is a child who identifies a problem, and dedicates herself to figuring out a way to solve it. Even when things do not work out quite the way she imagines, by remembering Mrs. Goldman's words acknowledging her talent, Sophia realizes that she has the skills to fix the problem and create something beautiful. And in the end, she truly touches Mrs. Goldman's heart. 

This book touches my heart and makes me smile each time I read it. Plus, it shares a pattern with readers for Sophia's hat. If I ever make it, which I hope to one day, I'll be sure to share it here.

Today and tomorrow,

~Tamara

Monday, April 3, 2017

Those Meddling Adults...Part 1 of 2

PART 1:

"If it weren't for you meddling kids" the bad guy would have gotten away with it. That's the message shared by the captured villains in Scooby Doo episodes. Darn kids.

When it comes to children's picture books, my question has been, "what's with those meddling adults?" This question hasn't always been with me, but became a part of me during one of my first residencies in Hamline's MFAC program after I chose to share my picture book draft about a boy and his stuffed herring for my workshop. In the story, the boy had a close connection to his stuffed animal. When his confidence in himself had fallen, the boy, who was able to talk back and forth with his herring, of course when adults were not present, brings the herring to school to keep in his desk. He continues to not believe in himself when the herring does not talk and the teacher comforts the boy. Eventually the teacher reminds the boy of the meaning of his Hebrew name and helps the boy realize that he already has comfort he needs to believe in himself.

While readers loved the idea of the herring, the message that came through loud and clear was that when I write a picture book story, or really any story now, I want to empower the child. I want to have the child figure out how to solve the problem. This is what I try to do when I teach, also. I may provide the instruction to my students, but then I want them to process and solve the problems. How much does it help my students if I give them the answers? I think about this with my daughter, too. Besides, I love seeing how she tries to find solutions to challenges.

This week's posts focus on two picture books--one that involves adult interference for a perceived need, and one that features a child who sees a legitimate need and independently comes up with a solution to fulfill it.

Owen Written and illustrated by Kevin Henkes (c) 1993
Greenwillow Books (publisher)
Caldecott Honor Book


Owen is a young mouse. He is a young mouse attached to a yellow blanket that goes everywhere with him. Owen is an only child to supposed first-time parents. Mrs. Tweezers is the meddling older neighbor who seems to feel the need to tell Owen's parents that he is too old to be carrying around the blanket. She suggests various techniques for the parents to implement in attempts to rid Owen of his blanket attachment. Whether it is because Owen's parents are insecure first-time parents or they truly are worried about Owen's obsession with his blanket (although I did not feel their concern implied until Mrs. Tweezers interfered) they give in and try the suggested techniques. Owen overhears the suggestions and foils each plan. The final battle occurs when Mrs. Tweezers reminds Owen's parents that Owen will not be able to bring his blanket to school. In the end, Owen's mother has an idea for the blanket and solves the problem. This makes everyone--Owen's mother, father, Owen, and Mrs. Tweezers all happy and satisfied.

While I can appreciate Owen's mother's solution to the "problem" as my own daughter will be starting kindergarten in the fall and likes to bring a cuddle toy and her "nummy pillow" with her each day to daycare now, I prefer that Little Sapling partakes in coming up with the compromise. She enjoys the story of Owen, but for myself, looking at it as a writer and as a mom who has had people interfere in my parenting with their ideas when I may not have asked for them, I am not an overall fan of the book. I struggle with the meddling, and then the mom alone coming up with a solution. What if the solution had devastated Owen? It certainly could have. He was smart in the story. He needed to be involved.

Just one girl's opinion.

In total contrast, I would like to present a recent find that is a perfect example of the child being empowered. Which book did I choose?

Stay tuned for Part 2 and the conclusion of "Meddling Humans" on Friday this week.

Until then,

Today and tomorrow,

~Tamara

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Messages of Strength and Kindness for Today

Sometimes when I venture to the library and have no specific plan but to browse for any book that appeals to me for one reason or another, I grab a bunch of picture books. Not long ago I brought home over a dozen books. Of these, I discovered two I especially liked beyond their large titles, bubbly fonts, and large-eyed characters pictured on the covers. Both books provide messages that I feel are definitely timely thanks to the climate (and I'm not talking about weather right now) in the world presently.

Poor Little Guy Written and illustrated by Elanna Allen (c) 2016
Dial Books for Young Readers (publisher)

A new addition to my Wrinkle Award list features a little yellow fish with glasses who the other ocean creatures, of varying sizes, think is adorable. Not only is he adorable to look at, he's adorable to play with, and according to the octopus, the little guy probably even tastes cute.

The story reminds me of the time I saw a cat playing with a chipmunk. The cat held it and then released the chipmunk, who would take a few steps away, and then appear to wait before becoming a play toy again. Unlike the yellow fish, the chipmunk seemed resigned to its fate and I had to stop watching because I did not want to be around when and if the poor little guy met its demise. The yellow fish, or Little Guy, though, is not resigned to his potential fate and has a surprise in store. Looks can be deceiving.

Allen illustrated the pages in shades of sea green, white, and eventually grey-blue that increasingly darkens as the story approaches its climax, and then lightens after the satisfying conclusion. The hand lettering for the story text follows the flow of each illustration. Only Little Guy, the fish, is in bright yellow.

Unlike chapter books, I did not "vet" this book before I read it to Little Sapling. It is a bit disturbing, dark, yet funny, but Little Sapling thought the book was a little scary. Despite the darkness in the tale, Little Sapling claims to like the book, especially when seeing the faces of the other animals in response to Little Guy's surprise.

I love stories where the "little guy" wins. This picture book is a simple and fun story that reminds us that no matter how little we may be or how others view us, we each have power in some form, to fight back.
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If You Plant a Seed Written and Illustrated by Kadir Nelson (c) 2015
Balzer + Bray (publisher)

I like picture books where the illustrator brings me to the level of the characters where I can literally see what they see through their eyes, at their eye level. The story begins with a rabbit and a mouse planting a tomato, a carrot, and a cabbage seed. By taking care of the seeds, over time, they grow. As the animals enjoy their eventual bounty, five birds fly down and want to share the food. The rabbit and mouse do not have interest in this idea. Through the detailed, realistic, and colorful images, the reader and viewer of the book can see the emotion in the facial expressions of the animals, and the chaos when selfishness ensues. It is only when everyone takes a look at themselves that they appear to recognize the ridiculousness of how being selfish does nothing but create a mess. Being kind is what leads to everyone getting along, and it really does not even take long.

Nelson's message is simple and honest with few printed words. Instead, it's his vivid illustrations via full color oil paintings with near life-sized animals that tell the story by beautifully bringing the viewer to the eye level of the animals. One can argue that the story is not necessarily so great as it was the rabbit and the mouse who lovingly cared for their seeds and grew the vegetables. Did they have to share with anyone else? Perhaps not, or perhaps they created more than they truly needed and we know that fresh produce does not always last long once picked. The birds could have easily just helped themselves, but instead they approached the rabbit and mouse first. In the end, when everyone tries to get along and work together, the rewards are greater than they would have been had the rabbit and mouse kept everything to themselves.

The intended audience is within the age range of 4-8 years olds. My daughter, at age five, has not questioned about the rabbit and mouse doing the initial work and why they even needed to share. She identified the lack of sharing and was able to see that when the animals did share, it made everyone happier. She could name this through her listening to the words and her interpreting the illustrations.

Simple messages are welcome in this complicated world we now live. If children understand these messages, adults should be able to, too.

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What are some books or stories that you feel share messages of strength, sharing, and kindness? Leave a comment with some of your favorites (geared for any age group) below.

Thank you again for reading my musings.

Today and tomorrow,

~Tamara Riva

Saturday, January 14, 2017

A Story I Didn't Know, A Voice of Value

Growing up Jewish and attending Hebrew School six to eight hours per week from third grade through my senior year of high school, I started learning about the Holocaust from a young age. I remember presentations that included photos and film clips of men and women starved to the bone, crammed in sleeping shelves, wearing striped clothing or nearly nothing at all. We learned about Hitler and his quest to annihilate the Jews. As I grew older, outside of Hebrew school, I learned that the dictator's quest went beyond only Jews. The Holocaust, I learned, was only one major aspect of World War II.

History and Social Studies was not "my thing" in school. Yes, I passed my classes with A's and B's, but I retained little. The content was rarely presented in a way that seemed meaningful to me. So, I went through the motions of learning what I needed, when I needed it, and then letting it go.

When I came across the book, Sachiko: A Nagasaki Bomb Survivor's Story, my apparent naivete about history led me to say to myself, "I honestly didn't realize people survived the bombing of Nagasaki." Laugh if you will, or shake your head. I am sure I am not the only one who did not know this fact. Today, I value learning about history and other cultures as an important aspect of understanding each other in the present. Learning about history can help us to not repeat past failures, and to grow from these mistakes. We can learn from past successes and build off of them. We can learn from other cultures and gain ideas for trying something differently in our own life, or gain a different appreciation for what we have.

Sachiko: A Nagasaki Bomb Survivor's Story by Caren Stelson (c) 2016
Carolrhoda Books (Publisher)
National Book Award Longlist

"What happened to me, must never happen to you." ~Sachiko Yasui

I have heard a similar sentiment over the years from Holocaust survivors. It pains me to hear and read the stories shared. Caren Stelson felt that Sachiko's story needed to be told, and I believe she was right.

It has been a long time since a book, particularly a children's book, made me cry. The narrative of Sachiko on the fateful day she starts off by playing outside with friends, tore at my heart. The bomb falls and the intense heated wind rushes through. I could visualize the details described. Then, when Sachiko's uncle eventually rescues her from the dirt and rubble, they discover her deceased playmates and later family who survived, and family who died.

While Sachiko's family is forever changed, her parents do what they can to move forward--both physically and emotionally--despite Sachiko's siblings and other relatives dying over time from sicknesses related to radiation exposure. Sachiko's father inspires her with his words of how to see peace in the only world they live. He tells her about Gandhi and his philosophy of nonviolence and peace. Sachiko carries her father's words in her mind throughout her life.

The reader follows Sachiko as she encounters bullying related to her appearance and lack of knowledge when she begins school. The reader sees how Sachiko replays the final words of an older brother to "take care of everyone", how she fears she cannot, and how her mother works with her to write her name with a stick to help Sachiko believe she can achieve in school.

As Sachiko grows into an adult, she reflects on the teachings from her father.  She remembers and studies about Gandhi. She also finds inspiration in the words of Helen Keller, and later, Martin Luther King Jr.

Considering Martin Luther King Jr.'s words, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter", and Gandhi's words, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world," Sachiko wonders how she can use her own voice to make a difference. Would there be a purpose for sharing her story? Until another tragedy touches Sachiko, she dismisses requests to speak publicly as a survivor.

On the 50th anniversary of the bombing of Nagasaki, Sachiko ends her silence and speaks at an elementary school. This begins her journey of sharing her story. And, thanks to Caren Stelson, Sachiko's story can be shared with all, even if we do not get the privilege of hearing Sachiko speak in person (which is what initially ignited Stelson's interest in learning more and ultimately writing Sachiko's story).

Stelson's research involved travel to Nagasaki over the course of five years to interview Sachiko in person. While the book mostly focuses on Sachiko's story, Stelson also intersperses additional historical facts, photos, and information to show the timeline of events, the political sides of events, the key leaders along with their roles as the events played out during the war, and more. Stelson writes with clear language, as if she is talking to a group of youth, and does not bog down the story with excessive amounts of dates, data, and facts.

Sachiko: A Nagasaki Bomb Survivor's Story is the most moving, heartbreaking, and hopeful work of children's nonfiction I have read in a long time. The book is geared for youth between 5th and 12th grades, but I believe there is definitely no upper age limit if you have an interest in learning history, but feel overwhelmed by the information written in books for adults. Reading nonfiction in books written for children and young adults makes history accessible and often more relatable. Stelson accomplished this in my view. I learned something, and believe I will retain it this time around.

Thank you for reading my musings, 
~Tamara

Sunday, January 8, 2017

Being Present...This is What I Need

NOTE: In online references to my daughter--who is now 5 and 3/12 years old (starting early with the fractions)--you will see "Little Sapling." Her name actually means tree, as mine is palm tree. Just one of those privacy things I keep in place. Those of you who know me in person, know her real name.
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www.pixabay.com (Creative Commons License)Back in November 2016 I did a final post on Facebook and chose to take a break. I have not been back since. I do plan to return, but I have somehow slipped back to a past mode of finding it easier to isolate myself than to engage in "small talk" and try to be my real self in front of people online. I felt that if I shared my opinion about an issue (and we all know this past fall there were a LOT of issues) no matter what, I was likely to be wrong.
I questioned my parenting skills. I was taking two grad classes toward my media license, working full time, and trying to be a good parent who does not let her "craziness" rub off on her child.
The negativity in the world, both close to home, and in parts of the world I only see through the news and social media was wearing me down. My own self-doubts about my parenting skills were wearing me down. I worried that I was totally depriving my child because I wasn't taking her on numerous outings and adventures as I saw others doing with their children. Finally, my beating myself up about my avoidance of creatively writing because I continued to feel that everything else had priority, was wearing me down.

I finished the two classes and continued to maintain my grades, surprising me. I won't say much about my job beyond that it continues to consume me--entering my thoughts each day, each weekend, at night, and in my dreams. I find it difficult to feel fully present when my thoughts are in the future and the past, as these are the places where worrying takes us. I fantasize often of my life being different because I am expressing my creativity and collaborating with children and colleagues in a school media center. This is my future.
www.pixabay.com (Creative Commons License)I fantasize that I am engaging with children at readings of my published books.
These are both where I want to be.

During early December my daughter and I attended a birthday party with friends--one we see regularly, and others we see a couple times per year. We were invited to extend the gathering at a movie. This was not on my agenda as I had two major papers to write for grad school, but I did need a break, and what was a couple more hours?
Five children, and three adults sat comfortably in the back row of a theater. One of the moms purchased kid-sized popcorn for each child. Sitting beside Little Sapling, watching the movie, listening to the children crunch on their snack, was priceless. And in the end, I suddenly had a thought--it was not about the quantity of big activities I do with my daughter that is what creates strong memories, but rather the quality. This is what I need to remind myself.

Finally, New Year's Eve day, I reconnected with dear friends. Little Sapling and their son, who is a year older, played together, while the adults visited. The wonderful thing about great friends is that even after not talking to each other in awhile, we are able to rekindle our relationship and talk with a stream of consciousness format where one topic leads to another and another with comfort and ease. I saw a book about chakras (the seven points of energy) on a table. Now I know some readers will think this is silly or too new age-y, but I am someone who believes that the world and nature is amazing. I believe in interconnections of mind, body, and spirit. I believe that many concepts are only different ways of looking at something and it's up to each of us to identify the perspective that speaks most genuinely to our values and beliefs.

www.pixabay.com (Creative Commons License)Through talk and some study of my own (a good source of information about chakras is http://www.chakras.info/ ) I learned that perhaps my throat and heart chakras need unblocking. According to the website (noted above) a block in the throat chakra can contribute to (not cause)feelings of insecurity, timidity, and introversion. A block in the heart chakra can contribute to difficulties in one's relating with others, or being closed down, or withdrawn.

I have some work to do. My New Year's resolution is to express myself more, which means--and I know I've said this before, but it's something I truly need--that I have to get myself in gear. I'm not content where I'm at currently and I want to be able to be present for my little sapling.

Being present means I'm engaging in my passions and learning to do so without regret or judgment so when I am with Little Sapling, it is all about her for the moment.

This is what I need.

What are your resolutions? What do you need to feel present? Let's support each other. Leave a comment below.

Thank you for reading my thoughts,

~Tamara
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PREVIEW: Upcoming reviews include Sachiko: A Nagasaki Bomb Survivor's Story by Caren Stelson, and If You Plant a Seed by Kadir Nelson.