Refocusing--I am Back!

In my last post, so very long ago, I wrote, "I am determined to believe that just as with any other traumatic event, life eventually can take over and my main focus will be on that, and this wrinkle in my journey will be an extra appetizer that I may or may not have room for along with my main course." Since then, life has taken over, for the most part, but the emotional impact of the thyroid cancer diagnosis continues to haunt me, even though physically I am fine (I think).

It's as if I have some sort of survivor guilt because my cancer treatment and recovery is minute compared to what so many others who I know are dealing with right now as they undergo treatment for breast cancers, lymphoma, and pancreatic cancer. I know, though, I cannot help how I feel and I am allowed to feel angry and scared. One more scan and low-dose radioactive treatment next month should confirm for me that no trace of the cancer remains. Maybe that confirmation will be what I need most to move forward. As easy as treatment was, it is a lifelong change as I must depend on a pill, and will continue to need level checks for the rest of my life. Even before my diagnosis, I was told, what so many other thyroid cancer patients have heard, "If you're going to get cancer, thyroid cancer is the one to get." As if any cancer is the one to get.

In life, I have continued to parent, to work, but not to write--although I think about it constantly and about how difficult it is to go on when I'm not doing what I truly need to be doing. Writing is something I need, and I'm miserable without it being a part of my life.

A few weeks ago I attended a local event titled "Books and Breakfast" where attendees, a mix of media specialists, writers, teachers and others, shared breakfast tables with 31+ Minnesota authors and illustrators. Presentations gave each author and illustrator two minutes to share about themselves or a recent project. Attendees were also given time to mingle. I stepped out of my introverted self and talked to people. My confidence in myself and in my writing that had sunk during the time since my last post and had me convinced that maybe I'm just not meant to be anything more than a writer here on a blog, started rising to the surface again.

I am back.

As I prepare to refocus my posts again, I'm starting here with random reviews of new books that I recently discovered. Just to get back into the swing of writing again.

The two picture books today are both written by former Hamlinites (and writers who I conversed with at breakfast).

Worm Loves Worm by J.J. Austrian; illustrated by Mike Curato (c)2016 
Balzer + Bray (publisher)

A marriage between two worms should have one worm identify as the bride, and one identify as the groom. Rings have to be worn on fingers, and someone will have to marry the two worms. "That's how it's always been done," Cricket repeats throughout the story. But rings can't be worn on fingers if worms do not have fingers. And, what if both worms identify as both the bride and the groom?
"Then we'll just change how it's done," says worm.
And the other worm agrees.

This story is a simple reminder of what truly is important when two worms want to commit to each other via marriage, or for that matter, when any two people wish to commit to each other via marriage.

Being someone who gets into my performance when I read aloud, I do voices for the primary characters in a story. In Worm Loves Worm the two worms, as well as all other characters, remain named throughout by their species. For the two worms, they are not identified differently as Worm 1 or Girl Worm or Boy Worm. They are both only named as Worm. Individuality only is apparent through features in the whimsical illustrations as one worm always has its mouth closed and the white of its eye showing, while the other worm has only a dot for an eye. This worm's mouth is always open. (My four-year-old pointed this out to me before I noticed.) When I read, for the voice of both worms, I use the same voice. When I commented  to Mr. Austrian at the breakfast event, he said that he also uses the same voice for both worms.

My daughter loved this book from the start. She especially continues to be humored by a comment from Spider that, due to its lack of commas, leaves Spider's words open to interpretation. (I admit that I laughed aloud when I first read it and my daughter wanted to know what was so funny. So yes, I explained.) You will have to read the book yourself to see to what I refer.


Rhoda's Rock Hunt by Molly Beth Griffin; Illustrated by Jennifer A. Bell (c)2014
Minnesota Historical Society Press (publisher)

I collected rocks as a child. I continue to be fascinated by rocks today, especially as I connect to my daughter's curiosity of rocks. Perhaps it's genetic, because she started "collecting" rocks long before I showed her my childhood collection. One thing I tell her when she insists on taking this rock or that rock is that it's not up to me to carry them all. She needs to be able to hold them herself. This becomes part of Rhoda's dilemma in Rhoda's Rock Hunt.

Rhoda and her Auntie June and Uncle Jonah take a long, long hike from their "up-north" cabin. It does not bother Rhoda that cold lake water is her shower, or that she sleeps on a skinny pad in a ratty sleeping bag or dines on salami and cheese. None of this bothers her because of the presence of all the rocks she finds along the way. Her Auntie reminds Rhoda that she, Rhoda, has to carry them in her own pack. This is no problem until the weight of the pack becomes too much. What didn't bother Rhoda before, is now a bother and she feels crabby. She realizes she has to make a decision. Does she keep her beloved rocks or leave them behind?

Rhoda's solution to her problem is lovely and touching. She considers what she needs--to return to the cabin for a bed, a shower, a decent meal. She considers what she has--a vast collection of rocks, each chosen for various reasons. She decides to let go. To let go of many rocks, but hold on to a special few. With the rocks she leaves behind, she creates "towers of souvenirs" and then walks away happy.

It isn't only the connection to the rocks that touches me as I read this book, but also the message that sometimes we need less than we think, and if we let go of things, we will be all right. Illustrations of the north woods, and sensory details bring me and my daughter into the journey each time we open the story. I especially love the auditory details  of "rustling leaves and birdsongs overhead", "whispering water", "dragonflies whizzing past", and waves crashing on the shore while gulls call. My favorite description overall is of the rocks that capture Rhoda's fancy, "Smooth rocks and bumpy rocks and sparkly rocks and stripy rocks and rocks shaped like hearts and hats and horns."

If, when you read the book, you do not have your own collection of rocks to view, turn to the end papers (the paper that lines the inside covers). My daughter spends time at each reading choosing her favorite rocks and describing the shapes. We can keep these all, with only the weight of the book in our hands.

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Thank you for reading my thoughts.

More words in a coming tomorrow,

~Tamara

I'm coming back...

Inspiration has been rekindled. Stay tuned...