One year ago today, the first case of Covid-19 was lab-confirmed in the United States. This marked the beginning of a year that has changed millions of lives around the world physically, behaviorally toward ourselves and others, and emotionally. So, adding to my anxiety around my dream, was this Covid thing that led me to being a full-time stay-at-home mom, distance learning teacher (which came to an end when we returned to in-person live yesterday, January 19th, 2021). Now I have developed increased doubts about my parenting (it is really hard living with a child 24 hours as a single parent while trying to keep her on track with her schooling, and trying to work by creating lessons and videos and being available for regular tech support for students, families and colleagues). My mind is like a computer needing major defragmenting.
I know that I’m not alone with this mind chaos. So many unknowns and inconsistencies this year, not only for adults, but for our children, too. Remembering that we’re not alone, when it’s so easy to feel alone, is key to managing, and I pray, to also moving forward.
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Small Things by Mel Tregonning © 2018 Pajama Press Inc. (Publisher)
Not until the boy’s older sister recognizes his pain does he learn that the same types of demons plague her also. Only after this recognition and acknowledgement is he able to repel the demons. At first, the spirits still take bites, but with support of his sister, the boy bravely talks to his parents. Then is he able to sleep calmly. The story concludes with the reader seeing that the boy is not the only child at school being bitten in varying amounts by the demons. He later reaches out to a classmate who he lashed out at previously. A hand on her shoulder lets her know that she is not alone.
(Side note: Mel Tregonning, the creator of Small Things struggled with her own demons. She died before the book’s completion. Author and illustrator Shaun Tan, with the blessing of Tregonning’s family, was able to finish the story that Tregonning began through her powerful and beautiful artistry.)
This book, I believe, has value for both children and adults. It’s time to move forward, for all of us.
(It’s getting late now, but I’m determined to post this before I go to sleep while it's still today, January 20, 2021. Something else happened that is symbolic of moving forward. Today was inauguration day. How many tears were shed out of pure joy and hope? It is time for our anxieties to cease. It’s a new year. We’re not alone, and now many of us are not so small anymore.)
To a new year,
Today, tomorrow, and always.
~Tamara
Dreams are elusive; they are the stuff of ether and fantasy. You're a blogger, a writer, even if you're not published yet. That is the stuff of words on screens.
ReplyDeleteYour reality is already, nearly, your dream. If you want to get to those readings and other marks of success in achieving the rest of your Dream Tamara, you just have to make it real.
Fear, anxiety, doubt... these things exist in abundance. They didn't keep you from little sapling, they don't keep you from other dreams you've made real. Why this one?
As for this past year yeah, it's been a doozie! No doubt about it, we could all use a minute's peace right now. But we're still in quarantine right now, still in our homes a lot, in our own space, our own heads. We are cohabitating with our own fears and anxieties on the regular.
The only way out is through. We need to confront these anxieties the way the boy in the story does, with compassion, a bit of help from others... but also with honesty and communication. We need to have a conversation with ourselves, our anxieties, and understand what they are.
I hope you're doing well and continue to do so Tamara. Never forget they wrote a song about you for the musical Annie: "Tamara, Tamara, we love 'ya, Tamara, you're always a day away..." At least, I think that's how it goes :)
Mark, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. You are right about this past year being a doozie.
DeleteI have also wondered what the difference is between my writing dream and my dream of motherhood, as well as other goals, as to how did I have the strength to follow those dreams to achievement yet continue to battle my writing dream.
And now as I write this, and see my words before my eyes, I wonder if the difference is that I had the control in these other dreams. There are many ways that one can become a mother. For school, it was up to me to do the work to the best of my ability. When it comes to writing, all my past experiences with writing show me how subjective appreciation for one's work can be. For example, I earned mostly A's as an undergrad in my poetry class, but when I applied to a grad program in poetry, I was told that my writing was amatuerish, and that while this professor did not like my work, perhaps someone else might.
When self-confidence wavers, it's difficult to trust the process and believe that someone--such as the someone who has the power to "sell" your story to a publisher--exists for you.
You are definitely not alone in the mind chaos. The year has been confusing, depressing, frustrating, but also filled with quiet moments to look out the window at the birds, more people walking and hiking, and a whole lot of togetherness. Just stay the course - it will get better, eventually, and hopefully there will be some lovely golden nuggets to bring with us into the days to come. And you already ARE a writer.
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